| ...why it is a counting crows day i mean week... |
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| 08:18pm 07/10/2007 |
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Who really knows right? Well all we can do is just write, here, and hope we feel better when done. Because as we discovered from the train.. hah yeah. I need to get busy. There are too many thoughts around my head twisting in and out of light. What I need is walk-aways. Paths with pictures like icons on my desktop of visual life. I'm gonna stay just not today. I have said this before about mono hearing, black and white vision and acoustic living. We'd all seem better off if we couldn't see them, the sins of color. Dreams are allowed though, the dreams in color. Back to those thoughts in flight, feeding off of my emotions confused yet assured by conviction. I am only but who I am and can't seem to sometimes remember where I left him, me. I try to tell myself the things I try to tell myself to make myself forget.
Too much time I find these days of aloneness. I'm not lonely. I see the differences. Maybe it's growing pains because I am still growing and never learning, learning how not to hurt, myself, inside and in my sock. There will always be light. I don't know if I will find it in a tunnel but around here it is. I'm not good at writing what I want but at least I can write what I feel. Call me colorblind cause I see butterflys in reverse and I told you so. Don't worry about me cause I will be but if you can see color, sometimes I might be around and I might want a warm thought. Typically I can never get enough. |
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| A year ago |
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| 02:20am 04/09/2006 |
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mood:  ...on life of corse music: Bedouin Soundclash
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Im my mind, in my heart, when it's quiet and I can't help but think, I remember. Salt water and hot breezes. CNN and Miller. Out-door, star light, showers. A sand/dirt road and car wash after car wash...
Top down midnight drives through forests of cool summer air. |
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| Happy Mothers Day! Table 33 |
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| 04:03am 15/05/2006 |
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mood:  lethargic
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Reservations for a mom and her husband at seven pm. Party of two Table 33. The couple had an appetizer and a bottle of wine. I took the entree order, they asked me to basically order for them. It was cool I hooked them up. Everything was great they were happy. Attending to another table a man rushes up to me and another waiter saying to call for an ambulance. I go to the direction he pointed in and heard some one say table 33 then i heard someone say it's your mom. There i saw her George holding her head up her lips blue eyes open and empty. I tried to get her to come to consciousness not knowing that she had been choking for sure. I told George to do the Heimlich maneuver he said he had then tried again. Still no breathing I'm freaking out running around the restaurant screaming for a doctor... no one a pharmacist and no one. Next I see her body on the floor people around her pressing, flipping, pressing and blowing. I missed too much, feelings of inadequacy pound outward, it's dizzying. Orchestrating paths for paramedics and a rolling stretcher I missed too much. Thinking I could have done the CPR and/or the mouth to mouth resuscitation, the Heimlich Maneuver and more...feeling responsible for ordering her that dish and making the reservations and serving the food. Sometime between my heart racing and my sweat dripping there was breathing, not mine it was someone else s being given to my mother. The paramedics I could hear, seeing myself running to the door to meet them and back...bags, lights a metal contraption gargling and snorting gasps tears and my insane emotional blur. Hands and hearts, hugs with words I couldn't hear. Up and away I am left enduring these thoughts of loss and emptiness sitting on the floor under table 33. Oxygen mask on her face her arms and legs strapped to the bed. Apparently asphyxiation causes a belligerent reaction. Her face again felt warm on my lips. She looked confused and happy to see me. Asking what happened all covered in tubes and wires hooked to machines and wall outlets I told her she scared the shit out of me and that I literally freaked out for a good bit. She said sorry and she felt embarrassed. I said don't because there was no one laughing just praying and helping. A couple hours passed she got dressed in a blue paper outfit and gathered herself and walked to the car. Driving back to the parking garage to get my car till now still my stomach hurts full of visions from the awful nightmare of a mothers day dinner where I watched my mother, a woman I love the most dieing on the floor. I want very badly to call her just to hear her say hello. I can't wait to go to see her early tomorrow and give her a huge hug.
Thank you George, Gillian, especially Jeff and Ryan for saving my moms life. How else can you say something like that? I doesn't feel good enough. I am forever thankful for your help.
5/14/06 Mothers Day
Table 33 |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| One month from today... |
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| 08:55am 29/03/2006 |
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Today in a month my lil bro will be twenty years old. Holly shit i'm getting old. Other things I wanted to say is that he left today to become one with the government. A Seal? Well, I tried to talk him out of it but he still went. I support him, not the idea. Two months of that boot camp then two months of some kind of schooling then the almost two years of seal training I believe it's called BUDS. Then when he comes back he will be a trained killing machine and will know how to blow shit up the correct way. Cause that's how the government do it. Okay that's all with that. |
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| 12:30pm 14/11/2005 |
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mood: Inside out music: NWA, Nirvana, Basement Jaxx
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How old is too old to be different? .. or want to be different... I lately have wanted to give it all up and say fuck it and wait for some one to figure it out for me. Quit my job? get a lesser? Live off of unemployment like everyone else... its the same shit everyday.
I got pulled over with a spot light last night. The pig said my music was too loud, i said i'm sorry I like it loud. After the ignorant comments and condescending lecture and past the bright light in my eyes harassment the ticket said nothing about the music but instead my illegal exhaust is illegal and an arrest able offense as well as my naughty boy illegal tint. I guess the loud music and my expired drivers license didn't matter any more. My pockets didn't have anything in them to poke him but I kinda got excited when he said put your hands on the car and spread your legs. Weird? No one has ever said that to me before, it felt surreal. I wonder what those five cops were doing out there occupying that street corner... out of the five the short thick one was cool. He wanted to know what kind of speakers i had and felt it necessary to tell me about his own potentially illegal sound producing speakers. Contradiction is the word of the day. I think I am going to walk around today with a cop hat on and one of those fake plastic badges with a pair of weed leaf Mardi Gras beads around my neck praying out loud interrupting with a verse of "fuck the police coming straight out of Compton." Is anyone sleeping with or know someone sleeping with a Harahan piggy? I could use a favor...
They want us to know the fish dishes at work and what's in the shit they stuff into the red fish. To tell you the truth I really don't care enough to study it. The way I feel is I will learn eventually, maybe in four or five months when the steakhouse re-opens. Yeah we have beer what kind? Well what do you want because we may be out of it and I didn't go to pre-meal cause it's retarded and I don't feel the need to be lectured about their bullshit problems.
I miss poking smot in bed, walking around naked, farting, cutting grass, walking past the mound of dishes ON the sink and doing nothing about it, my refrigerator in the dining room, the lamp in the bathroom, my neighbors annoying rooster, the Japanese plum tree, the rats in my other neighbors attic, my carport, the Italian Pie next to Mona's, waiting forever after 12am for the light to change (Elysian/Filmore), my roommates cooking, the coffee table that parted open(the goodies), the retard mail person giving me other peoples mail consistently, washing my baby in my drive, my daily work out schedules, the UNO pool, getting gas at the shell on Franklin Ave, parking contracts and wine classes. I'm sure I will think of more in the shower.
Fuck duuuuuuuuuu popo! |
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| Pat my butt and kiss my forehead |
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| 10:49am 07/11/2005 |
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mood: Half high and half asleep music: Dashboard Confessional -
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tell me it's all going to be alright.
I wanna give you whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it what I need? I wanna give you whatever you need. What is it you need? Is it within me?
Respect, it's what I have for the people who used to tell me "you don't know how good you have it here." That's what my managers would say to us when we would complain about things and/or screw something up from not paying enough attention to what we were doin. Man, Liz if you read this which I know you eventually will... Serious haha I donno Dan may read this too but we had it gooood at the steakhouse. Sure it's more relaxed and less up my ass but still.... I donno I get hit on more by customers at Bourbon House than at the steakhouse. Hummm does this mean that I attract people with less class? I'm not saying if you eat at or work at the Bourbon House that you have less class. But it's almost a totally different crowd. I wish I made as much money as I feel I should from doing as much work as I do. Okay I can't concentrate on this all of a sudden. Time for my morning pill and another bowl... yes another, already.
I wish I had one of those bean bag lap tray things. That would be luxury. |
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| Dust and Water Lines |
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| 12:47pm 01/11/2005 |
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mood: A little high music: Reggae Radio
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I've come so far but so far I've hardly come. I don't know what I mean by what I just typed but it's what I thought and sometimes that's all you have. Right? Well, it's been a long two months and now things are supposed to seem more like "normal." People say look at all the progress the city has made. Well I don't know where everyone has been hiding but I don't feel any better about it. I mean sure, I am working again waiting tables for the same company but different restaurant and I am about to go back to the gym today for the first time in two months, BUT it just sucks that I can't go home. Well, I did go home yesterday to find a green notice taped to the front picture window. It was one of those right of entry things. I walked around the house for a bit among the flies and other surviving insects. Through the living room to the kitchen into the back room, over to the laundry room and then into Aarons room then through the hall past the bathroom to my room where I then smoked a bowl like it was two months earlier with comfort and felt compassion for what I had...had lost. I gathered more of what I would like to possible keep. All piled onto my refrigerator that was flipped onto its back in the dining room... we were almost finished putting ceramic tile down in the kitchen. I walked outside and took a piss on my neighbors house, they were so weird, it felt good. I even noticed that when my piss had stopped dripping from the side of the house that there was still liquid dripping from the floor to the ground. They must have come back and left the bathtub on or maybe their toilet was overflowing... I've seen it before, they were so weird to say the least. So there I was again poking smot in my living room thinking about what I would be doing if none of this had happened, if the levee wouldn't have broken and the city only held inches to a few feet of water. I would be doing the same thing I had been doing the last year... Then I think I had a brain fart because I though to myself maybe this is a blessing in disguise, a good thing? Life on reset? Katrina hit it the reset button. Maybe the land still has buildings and roads but no life. I think about next spring, I wonder if after winter and April showers the life would come back. I've seen this before, people sometimes burn their lawns turning it black and ashy they say it makes it grow back greener. Sure I guess. Life on reset? I know fore sure that I've learned a lot about myself and life and people. I'm homeless and have all the options in the world. Why did it take a flood to get me to understand this? I think about how I miss what I never realized I had. What did I have? I had everything I have now minus the bed and house but what do we really need? I still have a car and a job and friends and family even though I have no Idea where most of them are. Still I feel empty and invisible. What must I be working toward right now? What are my priorities? Work? My one on line class? Working out? Finding some place to live that I can call my own, again? Finding my family and friends? Find out why I didn't get any unemployment? Find out what the fuck is up with my red cross money? I think I want to clean this floor it's really dirty. I can see my beautiful hardwood floor under the dried mud that covers everything. I think I could find where the Windex floated off to and clean the big window then there would be something clean and thus progress would have been made. After finishing my bowl and dumping out the ashes onto my dirty mud covered hardwood floor I noticed the stuffed cat that I put on the chandeliers more than four years ago when I had first started renovating the house to eventually move in. I found the stuffed cat in the closet while cleaning, it must have been left by a previous occupant. I wonder what it must have been like to sit up there for so many years and see my every day life evolve into what it was two months ago. I also wonder what it must have been like to be there when the water started to fill the street to the first step to the porch, covering the garden and reaching all the way to the back yard. Up to the second, third, fourth step to the top of the porch under the front door seeping in through the cracks and filling the floor furnace. I wonder at what point the frig fell over or began to float... up to the coffee table, soaking into the sofa. The water smothering everything it touched on up to the top of the front room TV over my bed which must have floated because it's a wood frame water bed all over my room smashing the dresser causing the TV to fall off. At some point paint cans floated around and one even settled onto the top of the ironing board two rooms away. I wonder if the cat watched out the big window at everything that was going on out there and wished to not have been up there to see it all. Maybe the cat got worried when the water eventually came up to the top of the door frame and it's tail and feet barely submerged. What about when I was in Florida taking my outside showers if Rita scared it again when for a second time it flooded. So I said fuck it and walked out once again down the steps and to my car and off down the lake front, sun setting in front of me I think about all the people you walk past hearing portions of their story being told to someone else, I look at their face and in their eyes I see water lines and dust, piles of trash and thousands of taped up put out refrigerators. They look at me and see the same, it's understood. But do not ask me about it I only want to think about it all and feel sorry for myself. Tell myself that I need to wait and see what will happen. So my new theory on life is "wait and see?" Don't know how well that will work with "live everyday as if it's your last."
So that's what I've been thinking about lately and now is when I felt it had to come out. It is a constant reminder every time I'm driving down the interstate and see on the big round poles all the different water lines like the rings of an old tree trunk. These lines exist everywhere from the interstate to the neighborhoods to the Rampart parking garage. I heard on the news that it will take about two years just to rid the city of all the trash/waste that the city will accumulate because of Katrina.
I will feel lonely but less invisible when I get my FEMA trailer/camper whatever and whatever that will be. For now it's suitcases, trunk space and sharing beds for me.
On another note, I recently had the chance to go to this years VOODOO Festival that is usually held in Marconi Meadows but was this year only one day and was behind the Zoo people call it the Fly. First when you walk up it was cool to not be frisked and inside out pocketed. So I could get my baggie out of Melissas hiding place. And there were hardly any military or police or security people there and just the right amount of locals. The bands were all cool but the best was NIN of course it was awesome. Oh my god they played Something I can Never Have and Hurt and a bunch of others that I love. Tiesto didn't show up so WUT EV AH. Rebirth Brass Band was cool and so was The Secret Machines. Overall it was great to be there and share that with so many people.
Lately I've been having these moments where it seems as if all sound becomes slightly muted and my concentration shoots up and I only sorta see sunsets and I feel the moment really feel it and embrace it and appreciate it for all it's worth. I'm thankful for these moments. They make me feel happy to be alive to be able to have moments like them.
So that's what's up with me lately. I'm going to call the gym before and I'll be at the Bourbon house for 4:00 to eat employee meal just like the old days but in a different restaurant.
I can't wait for this year, winter, journal entry to be over.
I couldn't find that picture frame with the three pictures in it of me and Jessica and Dom but I will.
Alright until nest time I decide to vent... Maybe I should do this more often then I wouldn't have to spell check so many words. |
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| Thirty $ of gas and no where to go. |
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| 03:47am 06/10/2005 |
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mood:  Tired music: Mom is snoring
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Mom and I are leaving tomorrow morning. I hope the traffic isn't too horrible. I'm sure i'll be driving. The last two night's were fun cause I got ass. Woohoo! Yeah baby suck it... hehe sorry. Um it wasn't strange but familiar is always good. Maybe i'll get some more when I get to Baton Rouge, you hear that city I'm coming be ready. I need to dye my hair, a friend of mine was nice enough to poin tout the whites sprouting. WTF? Stress? Genetics? I bought a free book today, what is Ishmel about? I don't have much to say really. Liz my beth if you read this... I left you a voice mail on your celly dood call me back. I was very drunk and can't remember what the hell I went on about. We should hang out while we are both in the same state. You can take a vacation from that straight edge shit for one damn day. I'm not talking about going crazy just a little green okay? You can bring Danny along too if you want. HaHa I don't guess you are going to the meeting on friday for the Dickie employees. Okay time to moisturize. I wonder if the waves are still black and if there are still dead fish all over the beach. Peace |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Bunk Beds |
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| 12:15pm 04/10/2005 |
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music: The frig is singing to me.
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I'm back here on my bottom bunk. Towels drapped around to keep the light of sun out. The bottom of the top bunk my new desk graciously holding on for me all my stuff. Same ole thang. The dog walks, the P.O. box, the outside shower, the fucking CNN, I hate CNN.
I had a rather lenghty dream last night that I worked back at Hot Topic. It was strage like any of my dreams. What stands out the most is that I often have dreams that I'm dreaming. What does this mean? I have trouble sleeping too, maybe I should drink wine all day/night like mom or miller like Ray starting with breakfast. Maybe then I could sleep like a prince or a baby, or a baby prince. humm. Still waiting for my bro to call and say "hey got that green." Not quite as straight edge like Liz my beth. I miss you so...
I called Kure Beach, NC my home for a bout a week last. It was nice to feel like I belonged somewhere like I could sleep well and burp and fart and all that. Maybe it was the non-stop shots of Level, 40's from the conda sto and green smokin' that made me feel like I was in some sort of psedo home. I'd like to tell myself that it was the fact that I was around two good friends and had a real bed to sleep on. I started reading a book one night there, stopped at four am to get a couple hours of sleep then woke to a bowl and finished it off. It was like a dream in some way, I was escaping reality or escaping myself. It was nice to read some one elses story of a life more fucked up than my own. (Runnin with Scissors) That's the name of the book. You should read it, it's easy.
I enrolled in online corses with Delgado. It's free and shit. Some easy ass class using Front Page to make and edit web pages. I could teach that shit. But, surprise! Intro to Biology woohoo yeah right. It's free. I dont need it but it's free and maybe i'll learn something I didn't in my high school science classes.
So I think I'm about to shave and drive to the clothes washing machines. On my mind is... Hieu will be in Destin later today so I'll have a friend to be around. Leaving Santa Rosa Beach thursday to go to Baton Rouge I have a work meeting friday morning. Mom and I will also be driving to see our houses in Nawlins and Saint Bernard. Then on our way back here to this black tide infested beach. Yuck. Sad. It was so nice. |
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| Soap n' Stars |
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| 11:05pm 05/09/2005 |
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So it's been a week today since that damn hurricane. (Katrina) Life as I know it has been absolutely fucked up. I've lost my house and everything in it as well as my moms house and everything in it and most importantly my family lost my grandmother. May she rest in peace. What hurts the most is that no one knows for sure that she has passed. It's been a week today since that damn hurricane.
Today the sunset was so beautiful, thoughts of what was and what will be. I wonder if who I am will be strong enough to carry me into tomorrow. It is uncertainty that haunts my daily day dreams and nightly nightmares. Truth and reality builds and one can only be so rigid. Poems in my head lead to tears on my chin. Stars and moonlight showers, water seeps through the cracks of time. It's all I have besides memories of a city so alive and never ending. My family forced together yet pulled apart. ... I fell asleep writing this so I lost where I was going. Sorry to you and sorry to me. Oh well. PEACE!
Jason Paul Bohnenstiehl |
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| 11:25am 15/06/2005 |
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mood:  gloomy music: Damien Rice
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He called crying. I thought about the gym, he said Jsn. I asked what's wrong? I though about the pool and tanning. He said I can't go to the gym with you. I told him okay, then asked what was wrong. With a sob he explained. I didn't think about the gym anmore nore did I care about tanning in the sun with him. Our hearts holding and choaking that last moment that last exhale. With my lips slightly parted I sank back, back to memories of his tender, rough skinned hand shakes. A forehead for specs and a mustache for integrity the man was more than a fater more than a husband, more than a brother and more than a son. Lola, Jade, Bobby, Jacob to all of you my heart and hugs. |
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| 04:50pm 23/02/2005 |
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mood: good music: Ani Difranco
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Today, sitting in front of the computer that I use in my Unix Fundamentals class at Delgado I had an epiphany.
It started with the random memory of what my speech communications teacher had said the day before about personality traits. We were talking about the different types specifically open, closed, hidden and blind. She touched a little on different types in different professions. One of which was computer technology, in this we concluded that the predominate personality train would closed.
Closed Style -
Rarely seeks feedback; rarely disclose
Motivated by anxiety
Prefer things to people
Seldom communicate expectations
Seen as incommunicative
Avoid or ignore conflict
Don't try to motivate others
As I was walking to class today I passed a fellow classmate whom made eye contact with me and then looked at the floor as I walked by smiling. I think that was what started me thinking about all this. It was something normal that happens to everyone ever single day. Today I read into it. And this is what I’ve come to conclude... There are so many different types of people out there. Some Open, some closed, some blind and even some hidden. Nowhere does it say that we are all one or the other. While looking around my classroom I see people who may be socially closed but emotionally open or hidden. What I’m getting at is even though the computer technology profession may see to include the same type of people maybe I’m not looking at the big picture. I don't see myself as a closed type person. I'd hope for the opposite. But when I read the descriptions of all types I can pick out some from each. A friend of mine would say "damn Libras." This is so true though head on actually. I've said before Librans change in every respect at any time to the betterment of the outcome.
As I was looking though some notes I found a survey of communication styles. after taking this rather lengthy survey you are categorized as open, closed, blind and hidden types in two different parts one being "manager tendency" and the other " employee tendency. I scored an 84 in the Open type for Manager and a 92 in Open type for Employee. So maybe I’m not as I seem or maybe I’m schizophrenic. Who knows, I have more pondering to do.
I love not having to go to work. A free spirit is a happy spirit. And I feel pretty damn free. :-) |
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| Hate |
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| 12:29am 26/01/2005 |
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mood: distressed music: Hatebreed - I will be heard!
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I hate being me today. "I" have to go to my job every damn day and we hate it, hate being there, hate dressing to go there, change who i am. I hate the people we hate to work with. I hate my fuckign job. I have never hated a job more not even the car wash.
Thursday I get paid and then that day I will like something about my job. I will like hateing it.
Fuck the service industry.
Fuck menu tests.
Fuck cows.
Fuck the damn 2%!
Fuck |
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| Libra January 12 |
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| 03:06pm 12/01/2005 |
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mood: complacent music: Nora
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Right now you're amply endowed with sensuatity, charisma and an absoulutely illegal amount of allure. This is not a surprise to anyone who knows you. Thanks to the starts, you're doubly lethal at the moment -- and you realy should be careful where you aim this stuff. You know how potent your charm is. Now double that by a hundred -- or a thousand.
Now, I wonder who of the people i know will feel this today. I wonder if it is at all in any way truthful. I don't feel that way currently about myself. I'll see what happnes. Maybe i'll fall in love today. Or worse make some one fall in love with me? Like poison. Like a death trap. I have to get ready for work |
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| 02:45pm 01/12/2004 |
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music: Counting Crows - Colorblind
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Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"
Snow White
Your evil step-mum tried to kill you and now you live with 7 men...lucky girl. |
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| 02:02pm 01/12/2004 |
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music: Black Hole Sun (Acoustic)
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Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"
San Francisco
Liberal and proud, you'll live your lifestyle however you choose in the face of all that would supress you. |
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| Depth |
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| 01:24pm 29/10/2004 |
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mood:  nostalgic music: Chevelle - Panic prone
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Unpleasantly confused about certainty. Wrists to shoulder blades. Chest wide open. Life, soul, conscious. Fear, pain, joy. Ego, creativity, guilt. Security, wisdom, love. Smiles, laughter, tears. Waterfall from within. With depth one side, one color, one truth. Rivers bled. Blue. Deep dark blue. Outside things change. Forced interaction. Unexpected emotions. Scales tip. Unbalanced structures sway. Temptations tempt. Thought evolves. Hands trembling, eyes on fire, staring into the mirror hearing melodies of the past. Sobbing composition of snap shot water damaged dreams. Inside bleeding out. Blue to red, red to black. |
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| Epitome of the obscure obvious... |
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| 03:34am 09/09/2004 |
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mood: calm music: nine inch nails - something i can never have
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Wake epiphany, serve me my exemplar breakfast.Feed me your elixir of truth. Pride me with heart throbbing kisses. Drive epiphany, convey me toward authentic viability. Persuade me with unconcerned ideology. Replenish my dexterity and determination. Epiphany, be my liberator, emancipate my disheartened, shadowed soul. Birth me from this disfigured and dysfunctional framework. Contrive my auspicious destiny. Epiphany, enlighten me. I am fragmented. I am emotionally threadbare. I am not conclusive nor infallible. I am inverted wearing my vulnerability reluctantly. Mollify my restlessness with intuitive realization. Penetrate my perseverance and father my infancy. Sleep epiphany, until I need you again. |
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| Whoa! |
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| 03:05pm 10/08/2004 |
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Hey Journal,
As much as I would like to write something profound, all that I have to say today is nothing of great importance. :-) Sorry. HaHa
So I have work in an hour and I have to start getting ready because I have to leave in 30 minutes. So, on the 23rd of this month I start school again. What makes this semester any different than the others? I'm paying for it! So, I must not quit half way through. I'd like more than anything to get a job that requires me to use the knowledge that I've obtained from school. So looks like I'll have to get on the road to productivity. Because, being a waiter isn't going to cut it for too long. I can't stand it. I've gotten used to it but it feels so unhealthy and painfully stressful. We'll see how it goes... School is going to be a challenge because I have to get up very very early on Mondays and Wednesdays for an 8:00AM class! whoa! Fridays I’ll only have to be there for 11am. So I guess Sunday and Tuesday nights I'll have to try to get out of work quickly and go straight home and to sleep. HA! Like that will be possible but maybe I’ll have an understanding teacher. Ha! ...
"So much clinging to so little" -Jaeson Spees
Off to the bat cave...Latah! |
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| all wet |
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| 02:29am 05/08/2004 |
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Swirl,
in the opposite direction my imagination falls.
Hole,
it is almost half full.
Warmth,
tingle in the back on my neck.
Language,
my mind races for infinity.
I play dumb and you follow. I try and you laugh. I'm not scared. I feel it. I know it. I can see it in the distance. I'm there like yesterday’s trip turned into today’s long, long dream. Weight on my head and shoulders. Wallpaper ripped off. Vengeance taken and animosities resolved. It's not fun anymore. My searches left alone a bad habit is was a bad headache.
Suddenly I’m too tired. Rain, Rain that swirls the wrong way. A drop of exhaustion heard a mile away. Youth exhausted, preparation exhausted, I am exhausted… |
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bony143's journal